If you're still reading, consider yourself duly warned.
Shortly after I wrote my last post, I went to the bathroom and noticed some spotting. Spotting as in a very light pinkish mark on the toilet paper...lighter than any spotting I've had before. Ten minutes later, it was reddish-brown and while there was more of it, I'd still only call it spotting. However, it was enough for me to freak out and leave work a little early.
When I got home, I was still spotting, and feeling crampy enough that I fell completely apart. I decided to use a tampon, since it seemed like the spotting was developing into a light flow. C was off today, and he was so sweet - he held me for three hours while I sobbed. I took a nap, and when I woke up, the cramps had changed. They're back to the strange sensation I described eariler - more of a soreness than the muscle contractions I usually experience. The tampon indicated something between spotting and light flow.
And here's the kicker - it's almost seven hours since I started spotting, and IT HAS COMPLETELY STOPPED. This has never happened before at the beginning of my period. I don't know if this even is a period. My overloaded brain is screaming "implantation bleeding!!" but my beleagured heart is so afraid to hope.
I am not one to read into symptoms. I have experienced things in the last week that I have never experienced before, in twenty-one years of menstrual cycles. I am so confused.
Sometime later I will write about the spiritual journey I've been on lately. But for now, I need to put this in writing:
Father, I recognize that You are sovereign, even over this situation. Whether or not we are pregnant, You are good and You are working out Your perfect plan in our lives. I will praise You through this, whether it be with tears of joy or tears of sorrow.
7 hours ago