Friday, June 19, 2009

The Verdict Is In...

And I survived the in-laws! It was actually an "okay" visit. I can't quite bring myself to say it was great, but it wasn't truly horrible either. Here are the highlights:

C left work early last Friday so he could be home when they arrived; I had an acupuncture appointment scheduled. As luck would have it, they chose not to come on the weekend for which we originally invited them. Instead they picked the least convenient weekend, in terms of my biological clock. (Yes - believe it or not, I do actually have a biological clock. It may not keep perfect time, but it ticks every now and then. And it was supposed to tick last weekend, if you catch my drift!)

The atmosphere was a little awkward when I first got home. Everyone was standing in the kitchen, and it just seemed...odd. I found out later that they hadn't stopped for lunch, which explained the vulture-like behavior. It certainly didn't help that my appointment ran very late, and the dinner I planned would take an hour in the oven. C's dad was a little critical of what I chose to serve, even though I had asked about their diet several times in advance. (We eat whole foods, grains, etc. C's dad is diabetic and was concerned about having a blood sugar low because he didn't get enough empty carbs. Hello! This is why I asked about their diet! And do you think maybe he should have eaten lunch??)

They were also critical of how we've set the guest room up; I guess they didn't like where the bed was placed in relation to the air conditioning vent. Maybe, if they came to visit more than just once every three years, I would care...

C's parents seemed more relaxed the next day. We drove them around the city, and did a few tourist-y things that C's mother was excited about. For dinner, we took them to a really nice Japanese steakhouse. They were impressed and had a great time. I had a great time, too, until they whipped out their floss harps after dinner and began picking their teeth. At the table.

My head was pounding by the end of dinner; I am a human barometer, and a storm system was rolling in. For once I didn't mind the migraine, because it exempted me from an evening of Nascar. My headache was even worse the next morning, but I managed to join everyone for breakfast (we ate out). The real shocker came as they were leaving...the dreaded infertility conversation.

I have to admit, I was surprised. There were no comments about what we should do, what path we should take, etc. Mostly, they were curious about the acupuncture, especially since it's something they've looked into for their own ailments. I was pretty up-front about our situation in general, and how my emotions and responses can change from day to day. One day it may be fine to talk about the babies in the family, but it might hurt too much the next. (Does anyone else find this is true, and it's hard to explain to people?)

I had only one bite-my-tongue moment in the whole conversation, when C's mom asked me how long we would continue to try. That question hurts, because I what I hear is judgement on how long we've traveled this road already. As in, "you've put this family through enough, and now it's time to move on." And while I wouldn't be surprised if they do think that from time to time, I choose to believe that she meant well in asking it. So I answered very diplomatically, and said that the answer to that question can change from day to day, too. Inside, though, I was screaming...until MENOPAUSE, so there!

C's mom surprised me yet again - she teared up as they were leaving, and thanked me for talking to her about our infertility. It helped me to see that she really does love us; she just doesn't know how to navigate this road.

All in all, maybe their visit was more than just okay.


Kate said...

That visit doesn't sound half-bad! I can't believe a diabetic would skip lunch entirely and then have the nerve to complain about the when and what of dinner. Bring your own snacks buddy! Or if you do carb-counting, adjust your short-acting insulin accordingly. Maybe they could learn a thing or two about diet from you and your DH!
It's great that they're overall supportive of your quest for a baby. How long you keep going should be none of their business though, it all depends on how long you and DH can handle it all. Menopause does strike me as a good end date though! :) My mother has just recently finally let up a little on the comments about what all these drugs must be doing to my body, and that I need to take a break, and what am I doing to DH. She's finally become a little more supportive and less judgemental now that we've gotten into IVF -even gave us money towards it.
Your inlaws should quit being critical of the guest bedroom, and just be grateful that there's a free place for them to sleep when they visit!
Anhow, long and rambling comment. A lot of what you said really resonated with me. Including not wanting to talk about other kids in the family at times. That's probably why I talk less often than I should with my brother and his wife (who have 2 boys and a girl due in 2.5 months, and who started trying when we did).

Kim H. said...

Can I just say that NO doctor treating a diabetic would advise them eating empty carbs. They'd actually tell him to eat the complex carbs that you served because they will take longer to break down in his system. Geez - people are so weird thinking that they'll get a "low" and that gives them license to eat things that no one really should eat. /rant

I'm glad that you were able to talk to them frankly about your struggle and journey - it probably will go a long way at helping them understand how to better support you and figure out why on somethings you have to keep your distance. I totally get where you're coming from - some days I'm absolutely fine talking about and being around little kids - other days it's like a dagger to the heart. You just do what you need to do to take care of you and C... let the rest fall where it may.

tomi said...

Yay at surviving the inlaws! I'm glad the visit went okay in the end.

I guess I should really go see my inlaws soon...

*hugs* :)