Verdict

*sneaks furtively over to table and steals laptop*

Hello blog-world!! I have been laying low lately (literally), due in part to a resurgence of OHSS symptoms as well as a plot on the part of my husband to keep me from obsessively checking with Dr. Google about every little possible pregnancy sign. I think the last straw for him was when I could see my stomach rippling in sync with my heartbeat and started googling that. (Little did he know how much I was using my phone on the sly to perfect my google-fu. Ha!)

I made it in to work for a little bit today, and it felt good to be up and around. Of course, the picture-perfect autumn day helped. "Unseasonably warm" has to be one of my favorite phrases! But the rest of the day will have to be enjoyed through the window, because I have retreated back to the couch. There is now a Jennifer-sized divet permanently etched into the cushions, I fear.

For such a beautiful day, it started off a little sketchy - I woke up around 3 AM with stabbing pains in my stomach and shortness of breath. And when I went in for my lab work (dehydrated due to the aforementioned stomach ickiness), it took two people to finally tap a vein. Those little buggers must know when the needles are coming for them, because they ALWAYS roll. Evasive manuevers, I guess.

I tried to have a "normal" day, and not to stare at the clock too much while waiting for my beta results. (Yeah, right...) I read, I cried, I prayed (who am I kidding, it was straight-out begging), and when the phone finally rang, I could barely answer it. The nurse on the other end (the one who hadn't been able to get the vein this morning) asked me how I was, in the sort of soft, sympathetic voice that you don't really want to hear. I told her that I was doing my best impression of a calm, non-neurotic person, but that I was failing miserably at it. She laughed and said that I had every reason to be excited if I wanted to, because my beta was 172!!!!!! So apparently, the OHSS symptoms that have returned with a vengeance are a good sign. My next beta is Wednesday morning, and if the number has increased appropriately, we will schedule our first ultra-sound for about two weeks out. (For those of you who know me in real life or on Facebook, we aren't telling a lot of people yet - at least until after the next beta, and maybe longer. I've learned from too many others that a nice beta number does not always equal a full-term pregnancy, and I don't want to learn the art of untelling.)

I am in shock. Part of me feels like this is a dream, and I'm going to wake up at any time and it will all be over. I realize as I type this that I had stopped believing that this day would come. Part of me is so, so blissfully happy - for C especially. He is excited beyond words. But another part of me feels so...unworthy. I have so many sweet, lovely friends who really deserve this, and who have been through so much heartache. It is so unfair.

Hannah prayed:
My heart rejoices in the LORD;
my horn is lifted up by the LORD.

~ I Samuel 2:1a

There is no one holy like the LORD.
There is no one besides You!
And there is no rock like our God.

~ I Samuel 2:2

He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the garbage pile.
He seats them with noblemen
and gives them a throne of honor.
For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's;
He has set the world on them.

~ I Samuel 2:8