The Illusion of Control

It's amazing how completely my perspective can change in such a short span of time. Even a few days ago, I was wallowing in self pity, railing against the injustice of being denied something so basic as the "right" to have a baby. Today, though, is radically different. I am determined that I am going to live each moment to the fullest, with or without a baby in my arms.

I think the difference is that I've made the decision to move forward with IVF. I'm committed, and I have a road mapped out in front of me. I've regained a sense of control - an illusion, I understand, but like a compass in a blinding snowstorm it pulls me forward with certain assurance. No more fighting to remain upright while being buffeted by 100-mile-an-hour winds; I am moving forward. And this comforts me.